Making Marriage Work: It doesn't have to feel like a chore
Getting Started: Six First steps to a new beginning
Conflict Resolution: Finding Hope in Anger's Clothing
Find help and healing for the hurt of separation and divorce
DivorceCare for Kids is a special group to help children recover from the hurt of divorce.
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Making Marriage Work: It doesn't have to feel like a chore
Your
emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as
different as Chinese from English. No matter how hard you try to
express love in “English”, if your spouse understands only “Chinese”,
you will never understand how to love each other.
Being sincere
is not enough. We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love
language if we are to be effective communicators of love.
Dr Gary Chapman says there are basically five emotional love
languages—five ways that people speak and understand emotional love.
However, there may be numerous dialects. The important thing is to
speak the love language of your spouse.
Communicating
love isn’t as easy as feeling “in love,” because it’s quite a different
thing. Falling in love is not an act of the will or a conscious choice.
It’s effortless. One who is “in love” is not genuinely interested in
fostering the personal growth of the other person. If the euphoric
pleasure of being “in love” never ended, we might never experience true
love and meaningful communication.
Love is something you do for
someone else, not something you do for yourself. Most of us do many
things each day that do not come “naturally” for us. For some of us,
that is getting out of bed in the morning. We go against our feelings
and get out of bed because we believe there is something worthwhile to
do that day. And normally, before the day is over, we feel good about
having gotten up. Our actions preceded our emotions.
The same is true with love. We discover the primary love language of
our spouse, and we choose to speak it whether or not it is natural for
us. You might not love the language itself, but speaking it will
clearly communicate love to your spouse.
Love is a choice. And either partner can start the process today.
Getting Started: Six First steps to a new beginning (from newlyweds to empty-nesters)
So what is the issue in your marriage you'd like to address? Our first
inclination is usually to find fault with our spouse, but you'll have
much more success tending to your own shortcomings first. Those are the
issues you have direct control over. So why not take a personal
inventory of your own imperfections and ask God to forgive you for
those sins. Now, you're ready to take these six steps to improving your
marriage.
Having confessed your failures and
accepted God’s forgiveness, ask your partner to forgive you. Then ask
God to let you be His agent for loving your partner. Ask Him to fill
you with His Spirit and His love.
Forget about your
feelings. You do not have to feel anything to love your spouse.
Feelings may change because of your actions, but feelings should not
dictate your actions. Choose to love your mate, no matter how you feel.
Express love to your mate by word or action once each day
for the next month. Perhaps you could begin with a compliment each day
for the next week.
Do not allow your mate’s reaction to
stifle your love. Nothing your mate does can stop your love as long as
you choose to love. Why stop when love is your greatest weapon for good
and growth?
Consider the possibility of accepting in your
mate some imperfection that has irritated you for years. If you decide
to accept it, be sure to tell your mate. Such acceptance can be a
positive step in your own emotional growth.
Few
individuals can resist genuine, unconditional love for more than a
year. Why not start today? Make this the greatest year of your
marriage. Many have found that in less than a month, love has begotten
love, and their whole marriage has been turned around.
Conflict Resolution: Finding Hope in Anger's Clothing
We can process our anger in a productive manner. Here are five steps for moving from anger to positive, loving action.
Consciously acknowledge to yourself that
you are angry. Say the words out loud. “I am angry about this! Now what
am I going to do?” Such a statement makes you aware of your own anger
and also helps you recognize both your anger and the action you are
going to take. You have set the stage for applying reason to your
anger.
Restrain your immediate response. Avoid the common
but destructive responses: verbal or physical venting, or their
opposite, withdrawal and silence.
Locate the focus of
your anger. What words or actions by the other person have made you
experience anger? Whatever the cause of your anger, locate it. If the
person has truly wronged you, identify the person’s sin. How has he or
she wronged you? Then determine the seriousness of the offense. Some
wrongs are minor and some are major. Knowing its seriousness should
affect your response.
Analyze your options. The response
should be positive and loving. The two most constructive options are to
lovingly confront the person or to consciously decide to overlook the
matter.
Take constructive action. If you choose to “let
the offense go,” then express this decision to God. Confess your anger
and your willingness to turn the person over to the righteous and just
God. Then release your anger to Him. If you choose to lovingly confront
the person who has wronged you, do so gently. Listen to any
explanation; it can give you a different perspective on the person’s
actions and intentions. If the person admits that what he or she did
was wrong and asks you to forgive, do so.
Find help and healing for the hurt of separation and divorce
DivorceCare is a friendly, caring group of people who will walk
alongside you through one of life’s most difficult experiences. Don’t
go through separation or divorce alone.
DivorceCare seminars and support groups are led by people who
understand what you are going through and want to help. You’ll gain
access to valuable DivorceCare resources to help you deal with the pain
of the past and look forward to rebuilding your life.
There are thousands of DivorceCare divorce recovery support groups
meeting throughout the US, Canada and nearly 20 other countries and
territories. There’s one meeting near you!
Connect with a DivorceCare group today »
DivorceCare for Kids is a special group to help children recover from the hurt of divorce.
DC4K is a special group to help your children heal from the pain caused by a separation or divorce. DC4K provides your children with a safe and neutral place to recognize and learn to share their feelings.
For 13 weeks your children become involved in a fun, caring group at a
church near you. The weekly session topics help your children learn
that God’s love strengthens them and helps them turn their sadness to
hope and their anger to joy.
DC4K for Your Kids
Parents, learn more about DivorceCare for Kids.
Finding a DC4K Group
Parents, find a group for your children.